Since my last blog post, I sort of disappeared into the orbit for a while. I was, in part, allowing myself to feel my emotions (read my previous post to understand the context) while I sat with them and took stock internally – while at the same time also taking the time out to immerse myself fully into my Reiki Master coursework.
However, just as how circumstances in my life always happened the way they needed to happen; the Universe probably took a look at this wounded healer and decided with a smirk, “Too easy. Time for a new theme then!” and proceeded to send me my ‘lesson plan’ for the next two months.
Sigh. So here we go...
Many spiritual practitioners and teachers have taught about the importance of letting go. There are plenty of such inspirational posts on Instagram and Facebook (Healer’s Lodge has quite a few of that as well). There are also tons of books, podcasts and guided meditations that focus solely on this subject topic.
Well, if you think this blog post is going to be another of those, look away now. This blog post is NOT going to be any of those.
I’m just going to share my own experience of what letting go meant to me and what I understood from it. You decide how much of it resonates and take what you need.
Consider this another form of letting go then – of expectations.
LETTING GO
“I detest happiness, things and people who bring me happiness”, says no one ever.
Indeed, as living beings, seeking happiness and wanting to experience happiness is imprinted in our DNAs. We grasp onto things that make us happy and hold on to people and situations that are pleasurable in equal measure, believing that if we can hold on to them, they will be ours forever. Except that we all know nothing last forever!
Letting Go of Relationships
Nothing can exemplify the concept of grasping more than in the way we hold onto people. Sometimes people who may have outlasted their purpose in our lives. A lover who has lost love. A friend who has lost connection. A family member who, quite simply, has to go before us. We cling to them because otherwise, we will lose the happiness we seek in them.
I was grasping at a partner who could no longer love me, thinking that if I stayed and tried harder, there would be a chance that she could see that I am worth her while eventually. What I was grasping was really my projection of a forlorn hope formed by my own ego mind. As the story went, once the cloud of delusion lifted, the clarity cut through and showed me how I was merely hurting myself the more I clung onto someone who no longer wanted to stay, or who had simply served their purpose in my life.
Sometimes, letting go is voluntary.
Sometimes letting go is being forced unto us.
Almost always, letting go hurts.
Yet slowly but surely, as we release our forceful grip on what is right or wrong, what should or should not be, and simply allow the sand of time to seep and slowly settle, there will come a place and time when everything just feel right and no longer labored or hurried.
A quiet acceptance. A sense of peace deep in our heart, knowing that everything is just right where and how it is supposed to be.
Letting Go of Possessions
I had been using my iPhone 7 Plus since 2016. For a good five years it had been my companion through countless train rides, overseas trips, meditation sessions, beautiful chats... Why, it had even seen me through a few changes of jobs and relationships! So constant it was in my life that it felt like it would be with me forever.
So, you can imagine my dismay when signs of ‘old age’ began to show up in my darling phone. Charging took forever and battery depleted at a rate much like my bank account. Bluetooth and WIFI connectivity started acting cranky. While I knew it was just a matter of time before its eventual ‘death’, nothing could prepare me for what would speedily unfold in the next few days.
Because of its faulty connection port, I could no longer sync my phone to my laptop. Because of a software issue with WIFI connection, I could no longer restore my phone over iCloud. After many days of uninstalling and reinstalling, umpteen attempts at backing up and restoring— with the final restoration exercise completed and my photo album still reading ‘0’, I finally saw the situation for what it was.
Fact :
My phone is gone, and I need to get a replacement. More than 20,000 photos through the years are gone. Painful because of all the memories they held.
Truth :
But memories they are indeed, and memories cannot be erased or deleted from our heart and maybe that is how they are meant to be – to stay forever in our heart and not in some foreign digital clouds.
Reflection :
What could I have done? Could I have prevented it from happening? What could have been worse?
Well, I have tried my best to salvage what I could in this situation and there was nothing more I could have done (save for running a petition to Apple Inc and demanding an inquiry on this!). Nothing last forever and it is in the nature of my phone to degenerate and eventually expire. It has served its purpose and that’s that. I just have to be more conscientious in doing my backups in future and not wait till the last minute to regret anything.
The amazing thing was, the moment I decided I have had enough of forcing the installation through, and simply accepted the situation as it was – I no longer went around in circles lamenting and dramatizing it, and immediately I felt an immense sense of relief and a huge gloom lifted over me.
Nothing can stay the same forever. When we let go of this idea of permanence, we make space for new beginnings.
P.S. : In the end, my iCloud backup did work even though there were a few days of lost data, but I’d take this surprise bonus anytime! My 20,000 photos were all restored. And now I have a brand-new phone! To new beginnings and to new adventures then!
Letting Go of Control
The week of my frantic iPhone meltdown also threw challenges in the way I conducted my Reiki sessions with clients.
The first time the Bluetooth connectivity issue occurred, it was just moments before my client would arrive. A mad scramble to get my music playing ensued. Managed to get everything fixed and we began the session, only for the music to drop again midway through our session. I could feel frustration and angst arising in my body as I now had to contend with a different setting than what I was usually accustomed to. Yet in that same moment, a thought came through : Sit with this. Relax. Let go and let be. Everything is fine.
And so, I did— and of course everything was fine. Everything was in my own mind. The frustration and angst came from my need for an established routine and structure. With or without music, Reiki would happen anyway!
My second client for the day turned up an hour later. This time round, I simply ran the session in complete silence. 😊
Let go of that need for control and just rest in the natural state of being, and immediately everything is perfect again.
Letting Go of People
In our line of work, there is a paradox of what success means. While most businesses would want customers to come back repeatedly as that would mean recurring income and possibly a glowing testimony of their offerings, in healing we wished the opposite for our clients.
The truth is, we would want them to heal and be gone! Afterall, Reiki treatments provide just the spark to kickstart one’s healing journey, ultimately clients need to do the work themselves and not rely on their Reiki therapist to do the work for them. Because that is the whole premise of Reiki. There is no better help than self-help.
Some of my clients have had a few healing sessions with me, and over time, some of them have also become very precious friends. We could all see the improvement and progress they made from the first time they arrived at the treatment table to when they stepped out of the healing space for the last time. Paradoxically, while this meant that I would lose my recurring clients, it also gave me much joy to know when they are ready to move on, either to continue learning Reiki as practitioners themselves or simply because they no longer needed me.
As it was with Magnanimous M, who came to me for six sessions and no longer does, but we would have our coffee dates.
As it was with Jovial J, who came to me for six sessions and no longer does, but still sends me sweet notes of appreciation every now and then.
As it was with Caring C, who came to me for three sessions and no longer does, because she has decided to learn Reiki for herself. 😊
As a sentimental so-and-so, even though I wished that nothing would change, I know better than to hold people back when the time has come for them to go. As a Reiki healer, there is peace in knowing that we have done what we could for someone and once our purpose in their life is fulfilled, we have to let go so that we can continue our work for others who now needs us more.
Let go and send them on their way, wishing them nothing but love and happiness.
New clients will come in and like the ones before them, new clients will leave when it’s time. Because this is healing. This is how life is. A continuous process of growth, transformation, and renewal.
Contemplation
People we love leave. Friends, lovers, family.
Relationships change. Just like seasons do.
Material possessions get lost. Sometimes it is just their nature to deteriorate with time.
We all grow old. Neither Botox nor a magical elixir can stop time.
We all expire. Nobody in history has yet cheated Death.
Since everything is impermanent, what is it then that we can’t let go of? The fear of losing happiness?
What if there is nothing that can be lost because everything is really nothing? How can you lose nothing?
Now, if you can grasp that (pun all intended), then surely, you have mastered the art of letting go!
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