Day 27 : Do What You Can, Then Let It Go
We are sometimes guilty of trying too hard to solve other people’s problems. It’s like when people come to us with their issues, we take it upon ourselves to fix the issues for them. We give advice, try to find solutions, take on their problems on behalf—all of which are good and stem from kind intentions—except that sometimes all people need is a listening ear, a holding space—at times in silence.
I experienced this during my stint in school. Once, an intern had an unfortunate run-in with another person and things got so bad that she broke down in tears. I did what I could at that moment, reaching out to give her what I thought would be a comforting hug, only to be shrugged off pointedly as she indignantly remarked that she wasn’t one of those who needed such hugs. The incident affected me (actually, mostly my ego), but it also gave me the chance to reflect.
And so it happened that Teresa was distressed over her visa issue this morning. As we sat on the rooftop mulling over the possible solutions, I was wise enough to know by then my role was simple—one, give her the support she needed, two, give her enough space to ponder and trust her own decision.
1. We don’t always need to fix people’s problems — trust that they usually know how to themselves.
2. Sometimes just being there for them lessens their pain — hold that space.
3. Our solution is not always the best solution — accept it and know that it’s nothing personal.
4. Do what we can to help and then let it go — trust the outcome as it is.
5. Everyone has their own lessons to learn — don’t hijack that experience.
In the end, all’s well that ends well. Teresa successfully renewed her visa and in doing it her own way, overcome her fears and reclaimed her power!
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